I didnt see it coming , but it hit me like a thunderbolt. It felt as if I am in the middle of a nightmare, and got the dosage twice. I couldnt sleep it off, so woke up at this unearthly hour (3.00 am) as my sleep betrays me to write it off. The events unfurled on 10th July will down in my history books as one of the worst days of my life.
This is probably the first time my professional life clashed with my personal space. I have been in situations like this before, but on previous occassions I was able to diffuse the whole situation by making a compromise on my personal life. This may be the last straw that can be tolerated by my friends. This is what happened, my friends were going to Kerela to attend a wedding, and they roped me in their plans. The first time they asked me, I said no but after further pressure from my friends made me agree to their trip knowingly I had a volatile situation in office. They were all happy , because this is the first time I am going out with my school friends on a trip after my schooling years. Yesterday (10th July) was the D-Day and i had informed a day before that I will not be coming which I feel is a kind of betrayal on my part on my friends, I have not payed any respect to them with respect to their requests. I dont know if they are angry with me or forgive me for my betrayal, but this may have profound effects on my behaviour hereafter. Sometimes it feels better to be a recluse, alone and having no friends rather than face this unsavoury moments in life.
If the above mentioned is like shooting in my leg, the next one was shooting my heart. My foolishness has landed me in trouble with a friend. I am a poor writer, poor communicator through mails and during a mail conversation with one of my friend on 10th July, I have said something which was perceived entirely different. Even though we had a call to sort it out, my heart feels that I am not forgiven by my friend. I sent couple of mails saying sorry but got no reply when I usually get a quick response. I may never get a response and I have lost hope and I am mourning for that.
These two incidents may have adverse behaviour change in my life. I feel like a Dead Man Walking after these incidents. I hope I dont shoot my brains tomorrow as I have a project release tomorrow and I dont want to screw it up.
"Acting like a robot,
Its metal brain corrodes.
You try to take its pulse,
Before the head explodes.
Explodes..." -- Megadeth
This is probably the first time my professional life clashed with my personal space. I have been in situations like this before, but on previous occassions I was able to diffuse the whole situation by making a compromise on my personal life. This may be the last straw that can be tolerated by my friends. This is what happened, my friends were going to Kerela to attend a wedding, and they roped me in their plans. The first time they asked me, I said no but after further pressure from my friends made me agree to their trip knowingly I had a volatile situation in office. They were all happy , because this is the first time I am going out with my school friends on a trip after my schooling years. Yesterday (10th July) was the D-Day and i had informed a day before that I will not be coming which I feel is a kind of betrayal on my part on my friends, I have not payed any respect to them with respect to their requests. I dont know if they are angry with me or forgive me for my betrayal, but this may have profound effects on my behaviour hereafter. Sometimes it feels better to be a recluse, alone and having no friends rather than face this unsavoury moments in life.
If the above mentioned is like shooting in my leg, the next one was shooting my heart. My foolishness has landed me in trouble with a friend. I am a poor writer, poor communicator through mails and during a mail conversation with one of my friend on 10th July, I have said something which was perceived entirely different. Even though we had a call to sort it out, my heart feels that I am not forgiven by my friend. I sent couple of mails saying sorry but got no reply when I usually get a quick response. I may never get a response and I have lost hope and I am mourning for that.
These two incidents may have adverse behaviour change in my life. I feel like a Dead Man Walking after these incidents. I hope I dont shoot my brains tomorrow as I have a project release tomorrow and I dont want to screw it up.
"Acting like a robot,
Its metal brain corrodes.
You try to take its pulse,
Before the head explodes.
Explodes..." -- Megadeth
